What It Means To Love Yourself

Every self help guru will tell you to “love yourself” or practice “self-love” first before you can love others. Do you even really know what those terms mean? Perhaps sometimes you think you do, but how often at the very same time you don’t seem to like yourself much. Do you wonder how you can love what you don’t like?


Regardless of how you currently feel about yourself, continue reading and discover how to love yourself in ways that will bring much more happiness and satisfaction into your life.


Relationships should be filled with fun, closeness, caring, and happiness, right? We think so and we know that when you focus on these qualities you will experience much more of them in your relationships. But first, you must be able to see them in yourself. Whether you are single, married, or divorced, all your relationships will be improved when you truly know and love yourself for who you really are.


We will address three important steps that you can take to move toward self-love and mastering the art of happiness.


Step one: Examine how you think. So much of what we feel about ourselves is determined by what we think about our lives in general. From the time we are small children, our parents raise us to focus on “right” and “wrong.” This can lead to thinking that you might be “wrong” or there is something “wrong” with you. Examine your thoughts carefully. You can do this when you use your emotions as a warning. Each time you feel discomfort of any kind, do your best to discover what you were thinking just before you started feeling that way.


Step two: Find out what is most important to you. You will be amazed at the changes you can make in your life once you discover what is most important to you. By focusing your attention on the important things, you will quickly turn your life around and get closer to not only self-love, but authentic happiness. Often the things that are most important are hidden deep beneath our everyday negative feelings. After you have completed the first step and examined how you think, you can begin to take the next step and uncover your values. Identifying how you think and then identifying what is most important can help you channel your energies effectively toward making your life better.


Feelings of sadness, confusion, or anger are just covering up values that are missing in a situation. When you are feeling sad confused or angry it’s almost impossible to practice self-love. Identifying your undiscovered values can help you notice amazing parts of you that you can easily like and then learn to love.


For instance, beneath sadness, there is probably some sort of regret about losing hope in a dream. Underneath confusion is a desire for understanding. Within anger, there might be a need for caring.


It is important to be aware when you are demonstrating self-loving behavior. If you can start to do this, you will begin to get a sense of what loving yourself means. Here are some examples:

• Breaking up with a partner who has been abusive to you

• Seeking out a new job because the one you have is a dead end

• Confronting someone who has hurt you emotionally

• Beginning a recovery program for substance abuse or overeating

• Crying about emotional wounds that occurred in child hood

• Realizing that feeling your own pain is a major step in healing

• Starting a new class or playing a new instrument

• Beginning an exercise program

• Finally going to the doctor to obtain a physical exam

• Start going to therapy because you are unhappy

You are loving yourself when: you are able to live in the present rather than worrying about the future or agonizing over the past. When you are living in the present, there is no room for this dread; you realize that you are beating yourself up and then stop; You learn to focus on something other than feeling guilty or regretful; You actually believe that you are a decent person and have gifts to offer to the world; You help out someone who is less fortunate than you; You realize that you have had a positive impact on another. You are experiencing self-love when you are giving of yourself; You can accept that you are not perfect and never will be-you are at peace; flaws and all; you hear music that enlightens or when you see a sunset and realize that you are part of the beauty of the world.


Step three: When you truly know yourself, you’re never alone. Any time you find yourself lonely or feeling sorry for yourself, know that you can be your own best friend by remembering to stop, identifying what you value underneath your feelings, and take time to appreciate yourself–you are an amazing human being that values beautiful things. So start practicing these self-love techniques and get on your way to mastering the true art of happiness today.

Self Reflection - Putting My Experiences To Good Use

In my last post I described a relationship that I had been in. After that relationship ended I was very distraught. I would question myself over and over again. "Why" didn't it work out?  "What" did I do wrong? "I treated him so good." I began to doubt myself and put myself down all the time.

A good friend of mine was always telling  me to love myself first. Love myself? I thought.... I do love myself... what's that have to do with anything? *smack* Yep, I sure was green. I had absolutely no clue what my friend was trying to tell me.

I began researching relationships, marriage,  and breakups. That is where I gained a lot of my knowledge. From there I purchased several e-books that helped me to understand more about the different types of circumstances than can come up in a relationship and marriage and the different strategies a couple can use to work them out.


One of my main sources for research comes from  Passionate Heart, Collinspartners and Susie and Otto Collins' Relationship and Personal Growth Books, Audios, Courses and other Information Products.




The first e-Book & Audio Program I bought was "Magic Relationship Words"


There are actually certain words you can say in certain ways to your partner, spouse or lover, that when you say them, you'll not only reduce or eliminate the possibility of either one of you shutting down or getting upset -- but using these words also makes you instantly feel more understood, more loved and connected than you ever thought possible.


Susie and Otto are an authentic couple who share from their hearts and, more importantly, model what it truly takes to create an outstanding relationship.


Through personal stories, a wide variety of books and practical ideas, they offer new possibilities for creating and sustaining the love we want in our lives. I recommend their work and appreciate their grounded generosity.


And as always whenever you purchase a program from Susie and Otto there is a goldmine of bonus programs and audios that come with it and if you are not satisfied with the program there is a 60 day no questions asked money back guarantee.


Two other e-Books & Audio Programs I purchased are "Should You Stay or Should You Go" and "How To Heal Your Broken Heart"

Breakup Blunders - My Personal Story

Several years ago, I went out with this guy named "R" for about a year and a half. It was one of those on again off again type of relationships. When I first met him he was still living with with his ex. He told me she was moving out. I never had any experience with that type of situation and since she was supposedly moving out, I continued to see him. "If I had only known then what I know now" I would have run for the hills!


I didn't know it at first, but he actually had to sneak out in order to come see me. I had some family and friends (who said they knew him) that told me he was still "with" this woman but of course when I asked him about it he'd say they were lying.  I was "too dumb" to know the difference.  Or as my Mother would say "too green" to know the difference. There was even a complete stranger (a woman) who flagged me down one day when I was down town. She told me that "R" had been driving back and forth Main Street "eying her up" and that he has a woman and to stay away from him. Again I asked him about it but his answer was "people are just jealous and trying to cause trouble." That was always his answer.  I believed every word he said to me. DUMB! DUMB! DUMB!


You see, my Mother is a Christian and my siblings and I were raised from a Christian standpoint. We attended morning and evening church services every Sunday and youth group on Friday nights. My parents over protected us, we had no experience with the "outer world."  We were taught diddly squat about dating, relationships, MORONS or RED FLAGS. We didn't learn about it in school either.


I went out of my way for this guy. I  would cook him supper and bring it to his work which was a 45 minute drive. I washed, dried,  folded his laundry, scrubbed his back, helped him sand and paint his truck... even bought the paint and got him his new job!  NEVER AGAIN!!


Five months into this so called relationship we were constantly arguing about his ex, or other woman, still living at his house. He admitted  he was still having sex with her! SAY WHAT?? He tried to justify it by saying "well you get it first."  I told him to get his clothes and leave. Three days later he's back giving me the BS story of  "I'm sorry I won't have sex with her anymore." What did I do? Believed him of course.


The arguing continued all throughout this so called "relationship". We would breakup and get back together at least once a month. I don't know why I was so in love with this guy. Or why I continued to keep it going especially after he threw me across a parking lot into a parked cab.


During the times we broke up I would cry, scream and literally shake and panic. I would jump in my car and go to his house to try and talk to him. I begged, I pleaded, I threatened and so on.


Big Mistake Never Do This!  


One of those times, he chased me across a hay field and was trying to run me over with his rally truck. Two other times he tried to force me off the road. If he saw me out in my car he would drive in my lane and swerve back and forth.  He was crazy!


I even ended up going to the hospital emergency department because I felt I couldn't live without him. I felt like I wanted to die and had nothing else to live for.


It was more than just this other woman that caused our problems. There were rumors of him cheating on me with other women, issues with money, my bed wasn't comfortable enough bla bla bla.


If it hadn't been for a few good friends who stood by me, and continued to visit me,  I don't know how I would have managed to leave this guy and stay away for good. But thankfully I did.


I became severely depressed after the final breakup, which was on my 27th birthday in 2002. I picked up some destructive behaviors, sleeping all the time, starving for days and then eating again. I put on 35 lbs in weight.  It was not a pretty sight. I was devastated. It took three years before I finally got help for the depression. Slowly but surely I got through it. And learned some lessons to boot.