What It Means To Love Yourself

Every self help guru will tell you to “love yourself” or practice “self-love” first before you can love others. Do you even really know what those terms mean? Perhaps sometimes you think you do, but how often at the very same time you don’t seem to like yourself much. Do you wonder how you can love what you don’t like?


Regardless of how you currently feel about yourself, continue reading and discover how to love yourself in ways that will bring much more happiness and satisfaction into your life.


Relationships should be filled with fun, closeness, caring, and happiness, right? We think so and we know that when you focus on these qualities you will experience much more of them in your relationships. But first, you must be able to see them in yourself. Whether you are single, married, or divorced, all your relationships will be improved when you truly know and love yourself for who you really are.


We will address three important steps that you can take to move toward self-love and mastering the art of happiness.


Step one: Examine how you think. So much of what we feel about ourselves is determined by what we think about our lives in general. From the time we are small children, our parents raise us to focus on “right” and “wrong.” This can lead to thinking that you might be “wrong” or there is something “wrong” with you. Examine your thoughts carefully. You can do this when you use your emotions as a warning. Each time you feel discomfort of any kind, do your best to discover what you were thinking just before you started feeling that way.


Step two: Find out what is most important to you. You will be amazed at the changes you can make in your life once you discover what is most important to you. By focusing your attention on the important things, you will quickly turn your life around and get closer to not only self-love, but authentic happiness. Often the things that are most important are hidden deep beneath our everyday negative feelings. After you have completed the first step and examined how you think, you can begin to take the next step and uncover your values. Identifying how you think and then identifying what is most important can help you channel your energies effectively toward making your life better.


Feelings of sadness, confusion, or anger are just covering up values that are missing in a situation. When you are feeling sad confused or angry it’s almost impossible to practice self-love. Identifying your undiscovered values can help you notice amazing parts of you that you can easily like and then learn to love.


For instance, beneath sadness, there is probably some sort of regret about losing hope in a dream. Underneath confusion is a desire for understanding. Within anger, there might be a need for caring.


It is important to be aware when you are demonstrating self-loving behavior. If you can start to do this, you will begin to get a sense of what loving yourself means. Here are some examples:

• Breaking up with a partner who has been abusive to you

• Seeking out a new job because the one you have is a dead end

• Confronting someone who has hurt you emotionally

• Beginning a recovery program for substance abuse or overeating

• Crying about emotional wounds that occurred in child hood

• Realizing that feeling your own pain is a major step in healing

• Starting a new class or playing a new instrument

• Beginning an exercise program

• Finally going to the doctor to obtain a physical exam

• Start going to therapy because you are unhappy

You are loving yourself when: you are able to live in the present rather than worrying about the future or agonizing over the past. When you are living in the present, there is no room for this dread; you realize that you are beating yourself up and then stop; You learn to focus on something other than feeling guilty or regretful; You actually believe that you are a decent person and have gifts to offer to the world; You help out someone who is less fortunate than you; You realize that you have had a positive impact on another. You are experiencing self-love when you are giving of yourself; You can accept that you are not perfect and never will be-you are at peace; flaws and all; you hear music that enlightens or when you see a sunset and realize that you are part of the beauty of the world.


Step three: When you truly know yourself, you’re never alone. Any time you find yourself lonely or feeling sorry for yourself, know that you can be your own best friend by remembering to stop, identifying what you value underneath your feelings, and take time to appreciate yourself–you are an amazing human being that values beautiful things. So start practicing these self-love techniques and get on your way to mastering the true art of happiness today.