Breakup Blunders - My Personal Story

Several years ago, I went out with this guy named "R" for about a year and a half. It was one of those on again off again type of relationships. When I first met him he was still living with with his ex. He told me she was moving out. I never had any experience with that type of situation and since she was supposedly moving out, I continued to see him. "If I had only known then what I know now" I would have run for the hills!


I didn't know it at first, but he actually had to sneak out in order to come see me. I had some family and friends (who said they knew him) that told me he was still "with" this woman but of course when I asked him about it he'd say they were lying.  I was "too dumb" to know the difference.  Or as my Mother would say "too green" to know the difference. There was even a complete stranger (a woman) who flagged me down one day when I was down town. She told me that "R" had been driving back and forth Main Street "eying her up" and that he has a woman and to stay away from him. Again I asked him about it but his answer was "people are just jealous and trying to cause trouble." That was always his answer.  I believed every word he said to me. DUMB! DUMB! DUMB!


You see, my Mother is a Christian and my siblings and I were raised from a Christian standpoint. We attended morning and evening church services every Sunday and youth group on Friday nights. My parents over protected us, we had no experience with the "outer world."  We were taught diddly squat about dating, relationships, MORONS or RED FLAGS. We didn't learn about it in school either.


I went out of my way for this guy. I  would cook him supper and bring it to his work which was a 45 minute drive. I washed, dried,  folded his laundry, scrubbed his back, helped him sand and paint his truck... even bought the paint and got him his new job!  NEVER AGAIN!!


Five months into this so called relationship we were constantly arguing about his ex, or other woman, still living at his house. He admitted  he was still having sex with her! SAY WHAT?? He tried to justify it by saying "well you get it first."  I told him to get his clothes and leave. Three days later he's back giving me the BS story of  "I'm sorry I won't have sex with her anymore." What did I do? Believed him of course.


The arguing continued all throughout this so called "relationship". We would breakup and get back together at least once a month. I don't know why I was so in love with this guy. Or why I continued to keep it going especially after he threw me across a parking lot into a parked cab.


During the times we broke up I would cry, scream and literally shake and panic. I would jump in my car and go to his house to try and talk to him. I begged, I pleaded, I threatened and so on.


Big Mistake Never Do This!  


One of those times, he chased me across a hay field and was trying to run me over with his rally truck. Two other times he tried to force me off the road. If he saw me out in my car he would drive in my lane and swerve back and forth.  He was crazy!


I even ended up going to the hospital emergency department because I felt I couldn't live without him. I felt like I wanted to die and had nothing else to live for.


It was more than just this other woman that caused our problems. There were rumors of him cheating on me with other women, issues with money, my bed wasn't comfortable enough bla bla bla.


If it hadn't been for a few good friends who stood by me, and continued to visit me,  I don't know how I would have managed to leave this guy and stay away for good. But thankfully I did.


I became severely depressed after the final breakup, which was on my 27th birthday in 2002. I picked up some destructive behaviors, sleeping all the time, starving for days and then eating again. I put on 35 lbs in weight.  It was not a pretty sight. I was devastated. It took three years before I finally got help for the depression. Slowly but surely I got through it. And learned some lessons to boot.